January 8, 2026

2025 was a challenging year. It was filled with obstacles that I never would have predicted in my wildest dreams this time last year. In December 2024, if you had asked me about my plans for 2025, I would have mentioned continuing some form of virtual tutoring. I also wanted to stay involved in teaching. I was doing some of that wonderful work at the beginning of 2025 before everything changed.

I had one virus after another, mixed with starting a new medication, at the beginning of 2025. I was sick almost constantly, and by the end of March, I got really weak. I had been to the ER because of DKA, diabetic ketoacidosis, but with normal blood glucose levels. I had my medication adjusted. I ended up collapsing while trying to transfer from my bed into my wheelchair. At that point, I went to the ER. This began my journey into 4 months of inpatient rehabilitation. I attempted to recover as much function as I could. The medication that I was on triggered muscle loss. It worsened an underlying neurological disease that we’re still working up to fully know what is happening. The medication also caused rapid weight loss. The medication had several wanted side effects. However, it also caused several unwanted side effects because the dose was probably too high. This was particularly true when I got sick and wasn’t able to drink enough or get in enough protein.

Through everything, the viruses at the beginning of the year, the months of inpatient rehab at 2 different facilities including some inpatient hospital days thrown in as well (just for fun… because being in inpatient rehab wasn’t enough *eye roll*), I managed to mostly keep two things – my davening, and listening to/watching my daf yomi shiur podcast or youtube. It has always been comforting for me to daven when I’m stressed, sick, sad, or upset. Davening also comforts me when I am happy and thankful for the good things that are happening. It was my goal this past year, before I got sick, to focus on davening every day. I wanted to pray 3 times each day. This included shacharit, morning; mincha, afternoon; and ma’ariv, evening. That goal was going amazingly well at the beginning of the year, and even while sick, I was able to continue in some form. Even if it wasn’t a full shacharit, mincha, or ma’ariv, I davened 3 times almost every day. I also said the bedtime sh’ma. I continued this as much as possible while I was in the rehab facilities. My siddur lived on the corner of my over-bed table, always within reach. Davening grounds me. It is one of the things that kept me feeling like myself. I felt rooted and connected even while away from my home and community for so long. There weren’t any other Jewish people at the facility, at least that I knew or met during my time there. While I was disconnected and away from the community, I knew others were saying the same words around the world. This kept me feeling connected and not alone in my davening practice. Each night, if I was awake late, I attended the Daf Yomi shiur live. I would log into the Zoom with Rabbanit Michelle Farber from Hadran. Women from around the world joined as well. Most of the time, I wasn’t awake while in the rehab facility for the live shiur, as it meets at 12:15 AM (07:15 Israel time, from where she teaches). If I wasn’t awake, I watched the YouTube recording the next day or alternatively, I listened to the podcast the next day. I have been learning the daily daf with Rabbanit Michelle for a couple of years now. I didn’t want to let that habit go because I was in a facility. I didn’t always have the daf text in front of me. It reminded me of my first months learning the daf. I used to listen to the shiur as I prepared dinner, or sometimes I sat on my bed at night listening. I followed along with the text on the Sefaria app on my phone. I didn’t learn about the YouTube until later, and from there learned about the live shiur. Anyway, Davening and Daf Yomi both have a regular rhythm, and one which many, many other people follow. They gave me a sense of normal structure, and a sense of connection. This was especially valuable during those chaotic days in the rehab facility. There was no definitive schedule, especially at first.

I’m home now, B”H, and have been home since the beginning of August. I do have more assistance than I did before, and I came home to a different apartment. It is smaller but amazingly more accessible. It is in a new apartment community that offers a lot of activities and amenities.

Life is different. It has been a huge adjustment, and everyone who knows me well knows how much I hate change, and struggle with major changes. This certainly qualifies as a major change, and has required a big adjustment. I will hopefully be writing more at some point in the future about my time in the rehab facilities, but I haven’t done so at this point. If I think through the things that have made my adjustment back home easier, I would 100% say my family, especially my parents. My mom and dad continue to be my superheroes, particularly my mom who has taken on the role of my nighttime/bedtime caregiver, and comes over late each night at bedtime to do all of the necessary nighttime routine activities. I have caregivers seven days a week, and unlike before where it was just more challenging and tiring to do my daily activities, now I cannot do most tasks without some level of assistance – whether it is helping me set up my toothbrush, helping me put my hair up in a ponytail (I have not worn a scarf since this happened at the end of March, because I cannot tie them at the moment), or sometimes helping me put on a shirt. I cannot put on my own pants or skirt right now, and hope that I’ll be able to do that soon. It has been mentally and emotionally challenging to accept all of the extra help. It also took a long time to feel like I was actually at home after coming home from the facility, but I have quickly adjusted, and I’m much happier to be in my own space with my family close by. I have learned over the past year that through the challenges and changes, I am able to manage my emotions – anxiety, depression, and OCD, in particular – quite well using the skills that I learned in my DBT therapy group. Those skills, and group, were my lifeline while I was in the facilities.

At the moment, I’m mostly bed-bound. Right now, nothing is static. I will begin more rehab in a few weeks, though it will be outpatient this time. I’ve done the inpatient rehab, and the home PT, OT, and Speech therapy. Now, hopefully, I can make some additional progress with outpatient therapy. Life will continue to evolve. My life will continue to change, as we find the best solutions that will help so that I can be as functional as possible going forward.

I’ll continue to write. Writing helps me to process, and to help me move forward. If I can help even one other person by sharing my story, it will be worth it.